In Depth With Dr. Nina Hartley

Well, hello there. I'm so happy to see you in my office. You know, I really like doing these one-on-one consultations because every guy is different and everybody needs different information, right? And I want you to get the information that's going to be best for you. I'm going to let you in on a little secret. You know I love the ladies. You knew that, I knew that. But there are more women out there who don't like ladies than there are women out there who like men. So I'm hoping you can help me. I'm going to help you help me help you. What does that mean? I'm going to give you information that you can carry out there into the world to all those ladies who are heterosexual. I will never get to meet these ladies. They're never going to let me touch their bodies and play with their tits and put my face between their beautiful legs and take lovely delicious gulps of those fabulous fabulous pussies. It's never going to happen for me. But it can happen for you because you have what they want. Man meat, right? You're a boy and they're a girl and most girls prefer boys over girls. I know in porn the ratio is a little bit skewed so it looks like more women in porn are bisexual than are in real life. So the concentration of women in pornography who like other women is very high compared to the general population. We sort of self-sort into the place where naked ladies are. So you're a guy and you want to be dating ladies. My big secret is everything being equal for grooming, hygiene, health and manners and not being like super crazy, I am truly interested in sharing sexual space with any man once. I like novelty. If I'm not going to be arrested or made sick or injured, what do you got? What can we do here today? That attitude has let me have a lot of fun. I've gone all over the world. I've had so many different exciting things happen to me. More importantly, I have learned a lot about what ladies in general like. So I'm going to tell you some things that you can use to further your efforts with the so-called gentler and sweeter sex. First things first, obviously, grooming and hygiene. Be showered. If I can smell your body spray from more than two inches away, you're wearing too much. The idea of perfume is to bring her closer to you. If you've got too much on, I'm going to stay back here because my nose hurts. Any place you want her to put her mouth, potentially, don't put cologne there because it's really bitter. Hopefully, she'll do the same thing. Perfume is really bitter. Cologne is really bitter. Ah, no, really bitter. Don't do that. Then learn to dress for your body type. You're a skinny guy. You're a bigger guy. Just find a couple of outfits that look good on you and get your sister or your cousin to tell you truthfully. A date outfit is, unless it's a fun date like badminton or going for a hike, a date is not jeans and tennis shoes. Got some chinos and some leather-soled shoes. That's a nice first date thing. With all things being equal, let's say you already know it's going to be a fun time tonight. You and she are sparking really good. Eventually, you're going to want to talk about sex, potentially sex. It is never okay. In this day of Me Too and all the thing about consent, it's really important that we learn how to manage our desire without being jerks. That means we need to learn to ask. It's not asking permission. They say, get consent. Can I touch you here? Oh my God, shut up. But a powerful way to get consent is to look her in the eye and say, you're so sexy, I would really like to dot, dot, dot, and then feel it. I would really like to kiss you. I would really like to feel a hug from you. I would really like. And then she can say, sure. If he's asked me all the time, can I touch you here? Can I touch you here? Man, I go ballistic. It's like, dude, I have words. I will use them. But when you get to know her, you know, saying things like, wow, you're so, I find you so attractive. I really like to go dancing with you. I would like to, and fill in the blank and let her say, that sounds great. You may never, never, never, never, never get her drunk and see what happens. That's the non-consent thing. I know you know that, but it bears out. If you start drinking with her and you have a fun time, don't sleep with her the first night. I know, I know, I know, I know you want to, and I'm sure she wants to as well. But the brownie points you get for being a man enough and gentle enough to take her home and leave her there and say, and call the next day and say, you know what? I really had a good time last night and I felt we're sort of sparking. I'd like to talk with you about that now that we're sober, if that was really real. That just shows you A, to be a decent fellow. It also really helps prevent unpleasant consequences from biting in the butt later. And we'll just leave it at that. So the guy I like knows how to manage his own desire, right? He knows how to accept that I find her really hot, but I know I'm not 12. I have to be an adult here and learn to use my words. So the biggest secret before you go out, before you go looking for a date, before you go looking for a hot hookup, before you go looking for all the fun things, from 18 to 80, the best thing that women love the most, confidence. You don't need us. You like us, but you don't need us. So before you go out, lay out your nice outfit, get your fresh haircut, and then get your favorite, favorite movie, or your favorite scene, and give yourself a good 30 minute self pleasure session. Not a quick jerk off in the shower, like, oh, girls won't date me. No, no. Your favorite scene, your favorite lube, just build in time before you go out, right? Build in time for 30 minutes, 20 minutes of just a nice, nice time. And so in your shower, your shaving, you're going to feel better. You've gotten your juices going. Your face is going to be flushed. You're not going to be desperate. Newsflash, desperation repels quality women like negatively charged ions. Confidence pulls women into you because a woman in a party knows that all the guys are desperate for something, except you. Confidence is seductive. So seduction is not going out there and saying, look at me, look at me. Confidence being so calm here that your center of gravity gets deeper. She's just pulled to you. It's really quite amazing. So when you go to a party, not looking to who's going to get you off tonight, but you know what? What interesting people can I meet here that might turn into fun things later? That's the man that quality women want to talk to. It's not how tall you are. It's about your quality of your energy. Women who like to fuck men like to fuck men, not boys. And a man knows how to manage his erotic energy. He knows that women are people first, and he knows how to use his words to negotiate a mutually beneficial fun time. A boy goes to a party and tries to get a girl to go home with him and tries to get her to do things. A man says, I'd like to do these things with you. Are any of them interesting? And a woman, not a girl, will go, oh, you know what? I've always wanted to try that and that. And you say, excellent. Think of it this way. Do you remember math? That Venn diagram thing? So here's a Venn diagram of everything I want, and here's a Venn diagram of everything my partner might want. And the coffee date, the dinner date, the bicycle date, the bowling date is the discussion of, are we compatible at all? Is there any, is there any, what here? Oh, okay. We can do these things. And then you know where you're starting from. It's always better to err on the side of not having sex than to get involved in a situation that might come and get you in legal, emotional, moral, or ethical trouble. I'm just saying, you cannot be too careful these days. And not to say that women are lying crazy bitches and that you're somehow, you're a jerk, but when we don't take the time to properly maneuver and navigate with potential partners, mistakes get made. Misunderstandings happen. You thought she meant this. She thought you meant that. And no one's at fault, but bad feelings and hurt feelings, really, honestly. So that's the basic. So my job as an adult female partner is to know a couple things. I need to know what I want for birth control, right, if I'm going to be fucking men. I need to know what kind of things I like. I need to know what my favorite lube is. And I need to know things I'm interested in. You as an adult man need a couple of things. You need to have masturbated enough that no matter how turned on you are, you can last at least 20 minutes. Okay? At least 20 minutes. You don't have to last an hour like they do in the movies, those are special guys, but in the clinch of things, 20 minutes will do. You also need to find the condom you hate the least. That's just how it is. Unless you want to stick to handjobs your whole life, eventually if you want to put your penis inside someone's pussy, you're going to have to find a condom you hate the least. They come in all kinds of shapes and sizes now. One of them will annoy you the very least. Brownie points if you masturbate with condoms. Your penis gets to know there's the hand. Then, okay, this is a different kind of fun. Then, here's what I recommend totally. You feel confident. Confidence is sexy. Women dig confidence in a guy. Oh my God. They just dig it. As you're experimenting with whatever shape condoms you like, practice when you're hard taking them on and putting them off. Instead of fumble, fumble, fumble, it's like, boom, boom, done. Oh, okay, sure. If you're the one that reaches for the condom first, extra bounty points because somewhere in the line, if she's going to want, when do I bring it up? When do I bring it up? If you want to go condom free, that means intercourse free. That's just how that is. But that's fine because if you're not having intercourse, then no one can get pregnant. That's not a bad thing. In pornography, intercourse is the be all, end all. We have to get the penis into the pussy or it's not really sex. In real life, wait a minute, you and I can decide whatever kind of sex we want. How about a hot and heavy make out session with a hand job and booby grabbing? Does that sound good? I like that for a first date, right? Because what do I do when I make out with a guy first? I like making out. Okay, back up. Making out, super important, very much of a lost art these days. Have your gum, all the things. The biggest secret is I want to bring back closed lip kissing. To impress the ladies, let her slip you tongue first. Nothing is more off-putting than I'm going in for a kiss and all of a sudden this tongue comes at me. It's like, whoa, okay, no, we just started. Balance and just amping up. So in the beginning, a firm, or a fun thing, I find you're really attractive. I have an idea. That's the best way to get anything. I have an idea. What do you say about this? Let's set a timer for two minutes and make out for two minutes and check in after that. What do you say? That's going to get her interest. Oh, he has an idea. I like kissing and there's a time limited. It's like kissing leading to what? We're going to make out for two minutes. The time is going to go ding. How was that for you? Oh, I set the timer for three more minutes. Oh, so you just ease it in. And because you've been smart enough to have a really good orgasm before the party, the date, the bar, you're chill. You've got no place else to go. You're not desperate. She feels you're not desperate. She's going to stay longer. Right? So that's how you manage male-female energy. Set a timer and make out. And if I'm a woman, what I will offer guys, I don't say I'll do anything with you, but okay, topless blowjob, take it or leave it. Most guys will take the topless blowjob. And if you're the kind of guy that says, no, no, I have to have it all, then we know. No one got undressed. No one's feelings are hurt. You can go find the lady who wants to bone you to the balls that night, and I'll go find the guy who wants something a little bit less. No harm, no foul. Sex is what you and I make it today. What are our moods today? How do you feel today? How much energy do you have? What kind of date did I have? What kind of date did you have? What are you interested in? I'm always down for making out in a handjob. I'm always down for that. And if it moves into something else, we can talk about it. Man, can I sit on your cock? Most guys are going to say yes, but if you let me have my way with your body and let me see how you take pleasure, let me see how you let me do these things, I'll probably get more interested in you. But that's just me. So kissing, let her slip you tongue first. That's really, really important. Oh, and how to pull hair. Number one, first, you have to ask, may I put my hands in your hair? Because some women don't like it. And just because you saw it in the movie doesn't mean the person you're talking to today likes it. But if she says, oh, I like it, here's how you do it so she will want you to do it again. Flat hand, up the scalp, and make a fist. A little fist. You have to ask first because some women will find it violent and they will not be happy. So ask, may I put my hands in your hair? Is it okay if I put my hands in your hair? Or do you like your hair being pulled? She may say, love it, never had it done right. Oh my God, the last guy was so stupid at it. If you get a yes, the proper way, flat hand, up the scalp, make a fist. Flat hand, up the scalp, make a fist. I happen to like it a lot. It feels great to me. Other women, it's just nails on a chalkboard. Every woman's different. And that's so frustrating, right? Because our brain, I don't know about you, but my brain, my partner, likes everything that I like and likes it the same time that I like it and likes exactly, because it's my fantasy. So when we try to translate our fantasies into an actual person, like you and I are talking now, then we have to take the other person's feelings and desires and fantasies into account. Sometimes that's fun, sometimes it's frustrating. If you want to have an encounter that is more exactly what you want, I recommend hiring a professional and negotiating that out with her, because she will be happy to give you exactly what you want. But if you're out there in the marketplace of non-professional women, of civilian women like yourself who are just looking for a good time, looking to get banged, looking to get boned, looking for a boyfriend, whatever, then you have to negotiate with another person and take into account their limits and their boundaries and their desires and all the things. And that's just the beginning of it. But you know what? I think I might be wearing a little too many clothes, and I might be a little too far away from my office. So why don't you come with me, and we'll continue this with a little fewer clothing, don't you think? Oh, I know, I know. You've been looking at my butt for so many years, and here it is right in your face. I love it when you put your face right between my cheeks, and grab my cheek and squeeze your face with it. I do. I do like that very much. Back from my dancing days, I learned a couple tricks from Rita Erotica. Bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum. I know, I know. It's fun butt tricks. But you want to see more than just my panties, don't you? I figured you did. I figured you did. You know why? Because you're the kind of guy who wants to see it all. And I appreciate that. I really do. And you're going to see it all. Ready? Ready? Oh my. Oh my goodness. Hi. Do you have your nose in my butt? That's okay. I cleaned it special. Just for you. Mmm. You know I also like being spanked. You probably know that by now. But did you know that back in the day, my porno name was Spanky. Crazy, right? And I didn't know that because no one told me until many years later. But every time I was getting fucked doggie style, I just loved it when he would just smack my butt out of the blue. I didn't know then you were supposed to ask permission first. It never bothered me. Spanky was my secret porno name. And no one ever said anything about it. You know what? All this talk has gotten me so hot and bothered. I think the lesson is done for the day and now it's time for the payoff. Do you have your lube? Do you have your privacy? And do you have your phone on silent? Because now I want to see your cock. You know what? For safety's sake, I'm going to take off my shoes now. I don't want to spike you in that delicate place, because that would really, really be very sad for me. I don't want to hurt anybody. One clunk. Two clunks. There we go. Hi. Hello there. Oh, you know, you know how much I like watching you touch yourself, don't you? Mmm, just tucking on your cock, bringing the blood to it, grabbing it by the head and just sort of pulling it down. Oh, yeah. Mmm, ooh, getting longer. It is. I can see it's getting a little bit thicker. Mmm, getting out of its workaday mode into the fun mode. I love touching myself like this. Can you see my clit? Watch this. Ah, yeah. Ooh, yeah. Ah, you know what? Talking about sex and teaching about sex always makes me so horny. I love it so much. Yeah, that's right. I like the way you touch yourself. Yeah. A little bit fast, a little bit slow. I'm gonna get some lube. I'm gonna be right back. Don't go away! Ah! Here we have it. Lube is a sexy person's very best friend. Ah! There we go. Oh, I wish it was your hand stroking my pussy. Just trapping my clit in between your fingers like this. Oh, yeah. Oh, your cock is so hard now. Oh, I love the way you touch it. Yeah. Oh, yeah. This is a great first date activity. I get to watch how you handle your cock. I get to watch how I handle my pussy. Talk to each other. Oh, yeah. You tell me your fantasies. Oh, and I'll tell you mine. Then we can plan our next date while we're doing this one. Isn't that right? And once I see your cock hard, if I see it right now, oh, I know what I want to do with it. I know a position's going to feel the very best. Oh, I know what I'm going to want to do to it. I can see how it's going to fit in my mouth and how far down my throat it might be able to take it. Mm-hmm. I can tell all of that just by the shape of your heart on me. I've had that much experience. I know how good you're going to feel. I wish you could be here pinching my tits for me. Oh, but I'll do it for you instead. Oh, I have a really strange one. I like that, too. See, if we were alone together, I would be inviting you to smack my tits. But, oh, yeah. Oh, ooh, that was a nice big jump. My goodness, isn't it hard? Now, there's my clip. Do you see it? There it is. Not very big, but it sure does pack a lot. Oh, you do, do you? What's really nice is to tease the opening before you stick anything in there. Yeah. That's right. You want to tease on the outside until she finally asks you, begs you to fuck her. If that was your cock, it would feel so nice. Slap against my opening. Ah, yeah. Mmm-hmm. Ooh, really? You pointing that thing at me? I wish I could suck it right now. Oh, fucking cock, why'd I touch my clit? Ah, the funnest thing ever. Mmm-hmm. Okay, here we go. Ah, oh, fuck. It's warm in there. Oh, it's warm. Mm, it's wet. Ah, it's very tight. Mm-hmm. I know. Okay. One lick? You can give it a lick. Mm-hmm. Ah, pussy's so tasty. Mm, I wish I could kiss you now. Mm-hmm. I know, I taste good, don't I? Clean living and lots of fucking. Oh, yeah. Ah, fucking. Ah, yeah. Ooh. Fuck. Mm-hmm. Oh, I love watching you throw your... Oh, you're going so fast now. Ah, that's hot. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Ooh, yeah. I'll put my butt in the air after I've had my first orgasm. Thank you very much. Ah, yeah. Oh. Yeah, that's it, yeah. Mm-hmm. Ah, fuck yeah. Ah, yeah. Ooh. Mm. Mm, yeah. Yeah. Ah, yes. Oh, yeah, I'm gonna cum. Ooh. I'll talk about that. I like it so much. Mm-hmm. Oh, yeah. That didn't feel good at all. Oh, you do want my ass, huh? Yeah, I know you want to fuck me doggy style, don't you? Luckily, I like doggy style. But only if you promise to spank me, okay? Mm-hmm. Take my glasses off for this one. Yeah. Mm-hmm. Oh, I do love a good spanking. Mm-hmm. Oh, yeah. Mm-hmm. I do wish you were here with your beautiful hard cock. Oh, fuck yeah. It feels so good to go right there. Right there, yeah. So rub the head up and down. Get my clit with every stroke. Ah, you'd like that. I'm so itchy. Mm-hmm, yeah. Ah, fuck, that feels so good. Those feel better. Ah, with your cock right there. Mm-hmm. With your cock right, ah, right inside where it's tight and wet. After all these years, my pussy's still quite small inside. Ah, fuck, it's good. Mm-hmm. Oh, don't stop stroking, sweetheart. I love watching you. I know, I'd rather you be fucking me now, but I like watching you stroke that pretty cock. It's okay if a girl calls her cock pretty, it's a compliment. Mm-hmm. Oh, I like how you handle yourself, just squeezing the head. Mm-hmm, yeah. All right, now put your hand on the base and show it to me. Wave it at me, show it off. Oh, that's nice, look at that. Man, so proud and hard and oh, so pretty. Really wish I could suck it right now. I really do. Ah, fuck. Mm-hmm, mm-hmm. Can I watch my cock's tail? Mm-hmm, mm-hmm. Ooh, imagine your cock right there in the hole of your choice. Oh, I do like anal sex, it's true. Oh, yeah. What do you believe? Come, come, come. Oh, hi. Hi there. Yeah. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. You know how good it would feel to have your cock right here now. Do you know how good it would feel? It would feel really, oh, really good. All sex toys are a substitute, oh, fuck, for fingers and cocks, you know? Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. But beautiful flesh dick is the best ever. They fit so well, you know. They really do. Oh, fuck. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm, yeah. That's it. Just stroke your cock right there against the hole. You know you'll like it right there. Right there, yeah. Yeah. Mm-hmm. Ah, yeah. Just thinking about you fucking me. Oh, yes. That's it. And your cock closer. Closer. Ooh, yes. Mm-hmm. Ooh, I love when your balls slap my clit. Ah, fuck, it's so hot. Fuck. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Fuck. Mm, yeah. Oh, I do so love your cockiness. I really wish I could suck it right now. Okay, you ready to come all over my face? Your ball's getting nice and tight. That stick's floating like a walnut. Ooh, I can feel the cup just building up in your balls, can't you? Cock's a little longer, a little bit thicker, a little bit harder. It's dropping extra, extra hard. Oh, I can feel it from here. Oh, you're so close. You're so close on the pre-cum coming out the end of your cock. It's slippery, that's wet. You're taking it and you're rubbing it around the head of your cock. Because my tongue can't be there because logistics. But I'm with you in spirit, you know why? Because I love watching guys shoot their loads. I love that countdown. I do so much. Oh, yes. I saw that throb. I saw it jump. Mm-hmm. Extra half inch. Extra half inch wider. So close. Oh, my God. Oh, my goodness. Oh, my God. Your head, your cock is so bright, bright, bright purple. Deep, deep pink. Throbbing. Just a little bit bigger. Oh, yeah. Slow it down, slow it down. You can do a nice, long swan dive until you come all over my face. No need to rush. You know where you're going. You're going to come, aren't you? Oh, it's going to feel so good. You're going to go off to that party, and you're going to be so the man. Or you're going to go to sleep so well, and wake up really refreshed, aren't you? Mm-hmm, mm-hmm. Don't stop stroking. Slow down the stroking. Keep going, yes. Oh, fuck, it's hot. I love the way you touch your cock. Oh, you're so nice to it. I really, really like it. Ooh, that was a good move. Okay, so if I count down from 20, I can really come when I see zero. Okay, ready? Deal? Okay, 20, 19, 18, 16, oh, I've missed 17. Silly me. 17, 16, 15, 13, 12, 11, 10, 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1, 0. That was a load. Mmm. Mmm. Thanks for sharing. He tastes really, really good. I'm going to spill that pineapple juice you're drinking. That's a pro tip. Thanks for sharing.